Memories of a Never Ending Elsewhere
by hanianknight
Summary: When a legendary ninja from Konoha's past seems to return from nowhere, it's up to Sakura and Naruto to investigate his past. But how will they deal with all of the new revelations they learn about each other? Rated M for mature language.


"_You and your harmless dick can't do anything right." _Sakura's words rang in Naruto's ears as he flipped through the channels on his dirty black and white T.V. The picture fazed in and out on the stolen porn channel that he spent most of his time watching. He felt nothing while watching it.

"Hey bitch, get me a beer you ugly ass whore," screamed Naruto into the tiny connected kitchen.

"Fuck you, you lazy asshole".

"Bitch-ass, titty-ass, hoe, get me my fucking beer before I pop you in the fucking mouth. "

Naruto heard a rustling in the kitchen, and then Sakura shuffled into the living room and dropped the beer in his lap. He shot her a death glare, and she muttered the word "asshole" under her breath and walked away. He noticed an especially disgusting smell in the room that overpowered the usual cat-piss. His glazed over eyes scanned the room until they stopped on a brown watery mess on the wall. The dirty blue wallpaper was coming off around it.

"Hey you stupid bitch. Your retard boyfriend shit on the wall again. If you don't clean up after him I'll put the fucking moron outta his misery." Naruto downed the beer in one gulp and scratched his hairy belly. He ended up scratching a sore and when he raised his finger it was covered in blood. He wiped the blood on the armrest of the chair.

"I'm not cleaning up after him. Fuck you."

Naruto pushed himself out of the chair, his gut hanging down over his yellow stained boxers. He weighed at least 350 pounds, and his back hurt appropriately. He picked up the bat that he kept leaning against the chair and walked to the closet. His feet were already sticky from the dirty shag carpeting. He unlocked the door and swung it wide open. Inside was the tall, skeletal frame of his former teammate Sasuke. Sasuke hadn't been the same since his accident. With a surprisingly swift movement Naruto brought the bat down on the retards head with a sickening crack. With a cry of "Brother!" Sasuke promptly shat himself and fell into a twitching mess on the floor.

Naruto turned around and plopped his giant ass right back onto the chair. "The retard's dead. Go clean it up you whore."

There was no response from the kitchen. Naruto repeated himself. Sakura answered back with a resounding "Who cares."

"Hey you frog faced bitch, come here and suck my dick. I'm sick of working."

"You ain't worked a moment in your life pencil-dick. "

"Come out here and say that you pox-marked whore bag of a bitch."

Sakura walked out of the kitchen, and sure enough, she was pox-ridden. Her body was diseased from living in Sasuke's shit and sucking strange men's dicks. She didn't enjoy being a whore; it was just the only thing to do. The dirty pink skirt, the same one that she wore everyday of her childhood, still hung in tatters around her abused titties.

"Yo dickcheese, you aint worked a moment in your fat-assed, lazy, dick zit popping life." It was true. Naruto had never worked a moment. And he did spend a great deal of his time popping zits on his penis. He usually rubbed the zit puss on the arm of his chair.

Naruto suddenly sprung out of his chair and smacked the bitch on the side of her head with the now empty beer bottle. It shattered and the shards of glass embedded themselves in her head. She fell onto the floor like a ragdoll and Naruto followed by getting on his knees next to her.

"Now you can pop my dick zits," he laughed. He opened her mouth and pulled his dick from the hole in his boxers. He shoved his dick in her warm mouth, making sure to rub his dick against her few remaining teeth. He could feel the zits popping and the pus dripping in to her mouth. The putrid taste must have woken Sakura up because she soon sprang to consciousness. But she wished that she didn't. Cause it was all gross and such.

Naruto couldn't cum because his dick was so tiny and harmless. Frustrated he simply smacked Sakura upside the head and walked to the bedroom.

"You fucking bastard. I hope you and your tiny broken harmless dick burn in Hell." Sakura was struggling to stand up.

Naruto swung around and whipped his penis out again. With a single pump of the dick a bullet shot out of the hole and smashed into Sakura's forehead. Her face caved in from the force of the blast spreading brain matter all over his chair.

He looked straight into the camera and said in a high pitched voice, "Did I do that?"

The credits began to roll over the studio audience's laughter.

The End!


End file.
